Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of trying and failing.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Why does Microsoft always create so many ugly, confusing, and ridiculous product names? The worst of them all is ".Net" (which is really confusing).

The sadness was still there.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Wicked: For Good trailer transports fans back to Oz - BBC

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I had run out of hope.

And the sadness?

I Discovered I Got Cheated On. But His Story About That Night Isn’t Adding Up. - Slate Magazine

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Is the 4B movement's aggressiveness against men for seeing women as mantelpieces valid?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Are MAGA the "useful idiots" for the radical-right billionaires like Charles Koch and Elon Musk?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Be who you already are.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Supreme Court lets DOGE access Social Security data of millions of Americans - The Washington Post

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

I was tired of fighting.

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Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s still here.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

What is better, 4 more years of Trump with the media trying to hurt him, or 8 years of DeSantis with the media licking booty, or 4 to 8 years of RFK with the media hating on him all the time? (Biden is not an option, he can't win)

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Neurosteroids identified as potential therapy for treatment-resistant depression - Medical Xpress

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

You are like me, then.